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Victim Consciousness-Solutions

December 9, 2012

Below is an excerpt from my book Staradigm about victim consciousness.

Victim consciousness draws in not only negative experiences but also the right people to help support these negative experiences. For example, people who have victim attitudes will draw fellow victims as well as abusers to exploit their consciousness. They will often wonder why they keep attracting abusive partners or friends. They do not realize that they attract abusive partners or friends because of the way they think. The Law of Attraction is a universal law that utilizes thoughts to attract similar people who want similar experiences. In other words, if we keep thinking that we are victims, the Law of Attraction will keep bringing abusive people or situations into our lives to provide more victim experiences until we learn our lessons or change our thought patterns. Abusers cannot play their roles without the participation of victims unless they force victims to participate. Once victims understand this, they can remove themselves from the situation by changing their attitudes and actions. Another example of a victim and abuser relationship is war because it establishes an extreme situation in which the victims are abused by the abusers. War does not solve problems: it only attracts more wars.

How to overcome victim consciousness

The solution for overcoming victim consciousness is personal responsibility. Personal responsibility calms the overactive human ego so that it cannot empower itself to do certain tasks that it should not be doing. The reason why it calms the ego is because when we become more responsible, we take back some of the responsibilities that were lost to the ego when we became irresponsible. Self-empowerment is also important for overcoming victim consciousness because it strengthens the connection to our souls and reduces fears.

Once we understand how victim consciousness works, we will realize that if we do not change our current way of thinking, we can never achieve true freedom and world peace. Freedom and world peace can only occur when we become more responsible. As long as we reject personal responsibility, we will always rely on our government and religious leaders to make important decisions for us.

It is hard to believe that after thousands of years of repeated mistakes, most of us still have not figured out why our prayers of being rescued have not been answered. The answer is simple. Prayers can only be answered in a helpful way when they are asked with responsibility but the prayers have to be in compliance with the laws of the Universe. To answer a victim’s prayer would be to become a victim of the rescued, making the situation worse. Now you may realize why after thousands of years of suffering we have not transcend our current level of experience. Instead, we have been going around in circles repeating the same mistakes over and over again.

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Info From-

Anatomy of an Emotional Victim: Changing Victim Consciousness to Self-Empowerment

Posted on Wednesday, March 18th, 2009 at 7:50 pm in Empowerment, Healing Tips, Healing Wounds, Marriage and Relationships.

Are there ways that you do not take responsibility for yourself? What feelings might you be trying to avoid? Can you allow yourself to be imperfect, make mistakes and apologize? Can you acknowledge that each of us has an enormous amount of power to change our lives and that looking at ourselves is the first step?

Moving from being an emotional victim to self-empowerment involves looking at, and taking responsibility for, our own patterns in relationships, or circumstances.

In a state of morn­ing sur­ren­der I abide, for long sec­onds at a time, in The Vibrat­ing Silence. Being in that Pres­ence, bathing in its Essence, one with it … There is no sep­a­ra­tion. No thought, not even the aware­ness of a self, is pos­si­ble here. Then, sud­denly the Observer Within notices the expe­ri­ence — it stands back to see that state…

The Three Faces of Victim

Written on June 26, 2008 by in Articles, Drama Triangle

An Overview of the Drama Triangle

By Lynne Forrest

Whether we know it, or not, most of us react to life as vic­tims. When­ever we refuse to take respon­si­bil­ity for our­selves, we are uncon­sciously choos­ing to react as vic­tim. This inevitably cre­ates feel­ings of anger, fear, guilt or inad­e­quacy and leaves us feel­ing betrayed, or taken advan­tage of by others.

Victim-hood can be defined by the three posi­tions beau­ti­fully out­lined in a dia­gram devel­oped by a well respected psy­chi­a­trist, and teacher of Trans­ac­tional Analy­sis, named Stephen Karp­man. He calls it the “drama tri­an­gle”, I will refer to it as the vic­tim tri­an­gle. Hav­ing dis­cov­ered this resource some thirty years ago, it has become one of the more impor­tant tools in my per­sonal and pro­fes­sional life. The more I teach and apply the vic­tim tri­an­gle to rela­tion­ship the deeper my appre­ci­a­tion grows for this sim­ple, pow­er­fully accu­rate instrument.

I’ve some­times referred to the vic­tim tri­an­gle as a “shame gen­er­a­tor” because through it we uncon­sciously re-enact painful life themes that cre­ate shame. This has the effect of rein­forc­ing old, painful beliefs that keep us stuck in a lim­ited ver­sion of reality.

I believe that every dys­func­tional inter­ac­tion, in rela­tion­ship with other or self, takes place on the vic­tim tri­an­gle. But until we become con­scious of these dynam­ics, we can­not trans­form them. And unless we trans­form them, we can­not move for­ward on our jour­ney towards re-claiming emo­tional, men­tal and spir­i­tual well-being.

The three roles on the vic­tim tri­an­gle are Per­se­cu­tor, Res­cuer and Vic­tim. Karp­man placed these three roles on an inverted tri­an­gle and described them as being the three aspects, or faces of vic­tim. No mat­ter where we may start out on the tri­an­gle, vic­tim is where we end up, there­fore no mat­ter what role we’re in on the tri­an­gle, we’re in vic­tim­hood. If we’re on the tri­an­gle we’re liv­ing as vic­tims, plain and simple!

Each per­son has a pri­mary or most famil­iar role — what I call their “start­ing gate” posi­tion. This is the place from which we gen­er­ally enter, or “get hooked” onto, the tri­an­gle. We first learn our start­ing gate posi­tion in our fam­ily of ori­gin. Although we each have a role with which we most iden­tify, once we’re on the tri­an­gle, we auto­mat­i­cally rotate through all the posi­tions, going com­pletely around the tri­an­gle, some­times in a mat­ter of min­utes, or even sec­onds, many times every day.

Start­ing gate Res­cuers (SGR) see them­selves as “helpers” and “care­tak­ers”. They need some­one to res­cue (vic­tim) in order to feel vital and impor­tant. It’s dif­fi­cult for SGR’s to rec­og­nize them­selves as ever being in a vic­tim posi­tion — they’re the ones with the answers after all.

Start­ing Gate Per­se­cu­tors (SGP), on the other hand, iden­tify them­selves pri­mar­ily as vic­tims. They are usu­ally in com­plete denial about their blam­ing tac­tics. When it is pointed out to them, they argue that attack is war­ranted and nec­es­sary for self pro­tec­tion. These two — the Res­cuer and the Per­se­cu­tor — are the two oppo­site extremes of Vic­tim. But again, regard­less of where we start out on the tri­an­gle, all roles even­tu­ally end up in vic­tim. It’s inevitable.

You may notice that both the Per­se­cu­tor and Res­cuer are on the upper end of the tri­an­gle. These roles assume a “one-up” posi­tion over oth­ers, mean­ing they relate as though they are bet­ter, stronger, smarter, or more-together than the vic­tim. Sooner or later the vic­tim, who is in the one-down posi­tion at the bot­tom of the tri­an­gle, devel­ops a metaphor­i­cal “crick in the neck” from always look­ing up. Feel­ing “looked down upon” or “worth– less than” the oth­ers, the Vic­tim builds resent­ment and sooner or later, retal­i­a­tion fol­lows. A nat­ural pro­gres­sion from vic­tim to per­se­cu­tor fol­lows. This gen­er­ally moves the per­se­cu­tor or res­cuer into vic­tim. Rem­i­nis­cent of a not-so-musical game of musi­cal chairs, all play­ers sooner or later rotate positions.

Here’s an exam­ple: Dad comes home from work to find mom and Junior engaged in bat­tle. “Clean up your room or else,” mom threat­ens. Dad imme­di­ately comes to the res­cue. “Mom,” he might say, “give the boy a break. He’s been at school all day”.

Any one of sev­eral pos­si­bil­i­ties might fol­low. Per­haps Mom, feel­ing vic­tim­ized by Dad, will turn her wrath on him. In that case, dad is moved from Res­cuer to Vic­tim. They, then might do a few quick trips around the tri­an­gle with Junior on the sidelines.

Or maybe Junior joins Dad in a per­se­cu­tory “Let’s gang up on mom” approach, or then again, maybe Junior will turn on Dad, res­cu­ing Mom, with, “Mind your own busi­ness, Dad. I don’t need your help!” So it goes, with end­less vari­a­tion, but nonethe­less, ping­ing from cor­ner to cor­ner on the tri­an­gle. For many fam­i­lies, it’s the only way they know to interact.

Our starting-gate posi­tion on the vic­tim tri­an­gle is not only where we most often enter the tri­an­gle, it is also the role through which we actu­ally define our­selves. It becomes a strong part of our iden­tity. Each starting-gate posi­tion has its own par­tic­u­lar way of see­ing and react­ing to the world. We all have uncon­scious core beliefs acquired in child­hood, derived from our inter­pre­ta­tion of early fam­ily encoun­ters. These become “life themes” that pre­dis­pose us towards the uncon­scious selec­tion of a par­tic­u­lar start­ing gate posi­tion on the tri­an­gle.

Liv­ing in real­ity requires truth. To tell the truth, we first must first know what it is. When we react out of denied feel­ings and uncon­scious pro­gram­ming, we can­not pos­si­bly know our per­sonal truth. This means we will not be in touch with real­ity. There will be hid­den agen­das and dis­hon­esty. This is another pri­mary trait of all play­ers on the tri­an­gle. Only by know­ing our truth, can we begin to speak from a place of per­sonal integrity. Then exit­ing the tri­an­gle becomes pos­si­ble.

Victim Consciousness – Victim Mentality

A Releasing Your Unlimited Creativity discussion topic

Copyright 2008 by K. Ferlic,   All Rights Reserved

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From a creativity perspective, victim consciousness, or a victim mentality, is to give away our creative power and/or deny our creative ability in a way that does not serves us. It is to think and believe anything or anyone is responsible for what we experience when we are in some way, ultimately responsible. We allow something other than our own awareness to take control over our life.
From the dictionary perspective, a victim is typically seed as one who is killed, injured, or subjected to suffering. Or, it is one who is swindled or tricked. They are duped into actions that do not serve them. Or a victim is a living creature sacrificed to some deity or as a religious rite or someone sacrificed for a cause.
To be conscious of something is to be aware of something, mentally awake to something or somehow internally known. In this regard, victim consciousness is about being aware and awake to the fact and/or internally knowing that in some way, our life is not our own and it is controlled by circumstances seemingly outside of our power to control. We in some way perceive our lives being sacrificed by, or for, the interests of other. What is important out victim consciousness is that, more often than not, it is a subconscious perception and understanding. It runs as an undercurrent in our life and shadows and influences all our creative activities.
As a subconscious condition, we are not aware of exactly what is causing us to feel like we are a victim but we are aware that for some reason we cannot access the creative power we need to create what we desire. Or, for some reason or another, what we desire in life eludes us or is continually being taken away from us. In one way or another our creative power and creative ability in some way seems to be being held hostage by someone or something thing. The victim consciousness is simply holding the belief that we are, or have been, a victim.
There are reasons for this victim consciousness and we do not remember the conditions that first caused us to assume or take on a victim consciousness. When we have an experience of victimization we feel that someone external to us causes our pain.
From a creativity perspective, victim consciousness is about not realizing that our creative life energy flows to create an experience of where we focus or attention and awareness. Victim consciousness exists wherever and whenever we unwilling shift the focus of our attention and awareness on something we do not choose on which to focus. Rather, we are forced or significantly influenced, consciously, subconsciously, or unconsciously, by some outside forced in some way to focus our attention and awareness the way we do. Additionally, we can have a victim consciousness at any level of our being, spiritual, mental, emotional or physical or in parts of our being. That is, we free to create what we desire up to a point and then something does not allows us to create beyond that point.
A victim consciousness can be created though the use of force and violence, gentle persuasion or the granting and/or withhold of things that are needed and/or desired, especially things of pleasure. For example, membership in, and acceptance or denial of such acceptance by, one’s tribe, family and/or society are routinely used to create a victim consciousness. Something this unintentionally but it is often done intentionally. When one has a victim consciousness, we identify with the external world and we work to define and to protect who and what we come to think we are based on the external world.
The creativity perspective is a perspective where we hold our creativity sacred. It is to embrace the depth and breadth of our creative power and creative ability. It is to see and understand how it is possible that we are the creator of the experiences we have and the reality of those experiences. It does not deny that there is a Creator of the world we experience which we can call God if we choose. But it is to see that we are creations within Creation and that we have a free will. We are free to create whatever we choose to create within the bound of Physical Creation. There is no judgement on what we create. However, there are consequences on our actions and what we create for the time and place of our creation. If there were any judgement on what we create we would not have a free will. We would not be free to choose and, in many ways we would only be puppets on a string.
To act from the depth and breadth of our creative power and creative ability is act with the understanding that we create our experiences and the reality of those experiences. Those in our life are only there to give us the experiences we desire. If we do not like the people in our life, we must go within and ask, “How is what I think and believe about life causing me to have the experiences I have?” Then, as we reveal to ourselves what is causing our experiences, we can change what is giving rise to what we experience. If we blame others for what we experience in life but do not take responsibility for creating at some level of our being the desire for the experience which they provide, we simply create a victim consciousness and put our creativity into a prison or cage of our own making.
What needs to be remembered is that we are a creation within Creation. We have agreed to participate and change with the flow of Creation. We allow things to happen to us for the experience of Creation as it currently exists. Sometimes we like what we experience, some we don’t like it. But the fact that we agreed to participate in Creation does not make us a victim of creation nor does it rob is of our creative power. We are not powerless. We only need to go within and explore as to why we have chosen the type and kind of experiences that we do.
Our enculturated programming and experiences in life have a significant influence on how we are responding to the world. We tend to be in a victim consciousness we think and believe we are at the mercy of them. When we meet the world on its terms as a creation. It is the cause of what we experience. Here we tend to have more of victim consciousness where we are at the mercy of creation. In essence the world tells us, ‘This is who and what you are and this is what I, the world, wants from you.” We, of course, believe what we see external to us and give the world what it demands of us.
Victim consciousness is not to see pain for what it is. Pain arises to warn of the hazard. However, much of the pain we feel the pain is because we continually put emotional energy into the attachment that must leave our life rather than letting it go. It needs to be remembered in any creative endeavor, and our life is a creative endeavor, there is the sacrifice of creation. Some of the existing form must be sacrificed to make room for the new. If we don’t let go of what we need to let go, we simply create pain and interfere with our own creation.
If we don’t let go of what we need to let go, slowly over time we create what appears to be a pearl with pain. That is, the irritant which causes pain becomes coated with the emotional energy. However that energy, if not released, gives birth to a life of its own and the pearl turns into a egg which hatches into a monster in our life. When then think we need to fear pain and the what is causes to happen in our life. The fear of pain begin to control our life and we run from the pain never looking at the attachment what causes the pain to arise in the first place. In doing so, we create that victim consciousness and give our creative power away. We run form the external threat rather than looking at the true hazard that is present. We do not necessarily need to cause ourselves pain if we can begin to view from a creativity perspective and hold our creativity sacred. We need to allow our creative spirit and the flow of our creative life energy that sustains us to experience true freedom. That is to become like the wind – coming with no attachments and leaving with no attachments.
Ultimately the most important issue we will face relative to our creative ability and probably the most difficult and, in some ways, frightening. is “where do we currently believe the creative power/Creative Power of the universe lies and why do you believe what we do?” It is the answer to this question that determines whether or not we possess a victim consciousness and whether or not we have given our creative power away to an any thing other than ourselves, whether that other be animate or inanimate.
Most of us view our life events as things that happen to us. That in turn leads to a victim consciousness about life. From a creativity perspective, we can pull the string and ask a series of “why” questions beginning with, “Why would I create or agree to participate in such an event?” You don’t have to believe we actually created the event but what we will see is how circumstances caused the event. In that understanding we can being to see how we do have options for our life that we had not previously considered. That in turn, makes all the difference and become the first step in becoming a conscious creator. That is we see options and have the choice to try or not try to pursue those options.
When faced with an undesirable experience or condition we need to go within and explore deep within our own consciousness to see what is creating it for our inner world is reflective of the outer. We need to transcend the idea we are our body or we are a spirit having a physical experience. We need to give up the belief that we are being held prisoner or captive by something, or someone whether it be a person, a virus or bacteria relative to an illness, or even God, in any way. We need to embrace the idea that we are perfect creators. We have created the condition we experience because of something we consciously, subconsciously, or unconsciously think and believe and or we are participating in something in which we agreed to participate. In dong so, we escape victim consciousness and a victim mentality and open the doors to accessing and releasing your unlimited creativity.

Ok, so what  do I do about it? Here we go and lets get right down to it! Mental Chatter versus Emotions

Victim Behavior is associated with many emotions, Shame is probably the most prevalent. Feeling overwhelmed is another. Feeling shame and being overwhelmed isn’t particularly useful- so let’s divide and conquer by breaking this down into 5 bite-size steps:  Summary

Step one- Identify your dysfunctional characteristics — habitual (recurring), problematic behaviors.

Step two- Prioritize them, making the first characteristic the one that causes you the most shame, embarrassment, guilt, etc. Choose only 3, for now.

Step three- Choose an effective strategy: You will discover in the 3 dysfunctional characteristics you’ve selected, where your boundaries are weak or non-existent.

We typically have boundaries in four areas – intellectual, emotional, physical and spiritual. The spiritual boundary assumes you’re not atheist/agnostic – if you are just skip this one. It will be obvious that I’m not, but don’t’ let that stop you.

We’ll include several strategies to help you begin to develop healthy boundaries.

Step four- Read Your Body. Here we’ll describe a useful alternative to the standard intellectual strategy of affirmations. Intellectual affirmations can be very effective, but we’ll describe additional, highly, effective tools for you to use. “If a hammer is the only tool in your toolbox, all of your problems tend to look like nails”

Step five- Relapses and Expectations. Of course self destructive behavior patterns are painful. Of course when we commit to making changes we want it fixed as soon as possible. Not everything we try will turn out the way we want it to every time. It isn’t particularly useful to dwell on kicking ourselves- do the first four steps first, we have some effective strategies to handle relapses.

Step One- Identify

Look on the list below to see which one (if any) of these characteristics you know for sure that you do that shows Victim Behavior Characteristics:

– Adult Child of Alcoholics Characteristics – Codependent Characteristics

Step Two- Prioritize

Number the top 3 (we can work on the others later, if you find more than 3, )- Ok there’s where your boundaries have holes (or are weak or non-existent)

A boundaries purpose is to defend the self. Let’s look at that word: The “self”- a small word, kinda fuzzy, almost too *all encompassing*, the word “self” could be taken to mean lots of things that we’re not trying to say here.

Let’s make it easier- oversimplified maybe, but useful for now- a boundaries purpose (or our purpose right now) is to defend your self esteem/ self image.

Before we get too bogged down in semantics, suffice it to say it’s arguable that self esteem and self image are related, but not exactly the same thing.

What I’m about to say might not be technically accurate, but we’re boiling stuff down to what’s useful, right now, lets just say that one is a verb (?self esteem) and the other could be a noun (?self image).

What we’re after is to enlarge your current definition of what self esteem means to you, to make some room, if you will.

Step Three- Choose a Strategy

Ok, you’ve selected 3 items to work on (places where your current boundaries are not useful in protecting your self esteem), This is where you need to focus on building up:

* your sense of self     * how you care for your self     * how you feel about your self     * and so on- you fill in the blanks where applicable

The most common definition of a boundary is a limit, an imaginary line where you end and others begin.

Adult Children of Alcoholics ( ACOA’s) often report a lack of sensation, a numbness where their sense of self is. Quite often the concept of self-care may seem foreign to a person with whom dysfunction has been a constant companion. More often, thoughts about sense of self are swept under the rug, glossed over…not really given much thought because at a dysfunctional person’s core, they don’t really believe they deserve a  capacity to love themselves.

Victim Behavior and dysfunctional patterns are often accompanied by addictions. Here is a quote from a recent post to a yahoogroups recovery mailing list that sheds some light on the topic:

I think the level of shame an addict feels is directly proportional to the amount of empathy he/she has. Sometimes addicts feel FALSE remorse, which can feel like true shame. I have felt both. Empathy by the way, can be learned.

If you’re having a hard time feeling self-love,  you can choose to look at it as empathy as self-care. ACOA’s usually have no trouble at all feeling empathy for others. Simply direct it toward yourself.

It may feel funny at first. That’s OK.

Rather than make this a big huge giant problem, keep it simple. Work on building up those specific areas where you seem to have problems caring for your self. Victim behavior can be overwhelming, especially discovering that you had toxic shame, and don’t even know it.  That can multiply our negative feelings about ourselves. Before we were in a kind of ignorant bliss- stuff was wrong, we just didn’t know what.

Now we know where to fix it and what to fix. We picked just 3 things to focus on.

Now for some strategies:

You might make dramatic changes easily, sometimes just awareness can create desired change, or you might find change a little difficult-

Get yourself some tools to assist you. N.L.P has a concept that all we can hold in consciousness is 7 +/- 2 bits of information at one time- Seven Chunks of data. So, lets limit ourselves to focus on 3 specific items and make progress one step at a time.

* If you have God as a resource in your life, here’s where you want to start praying for help in this area

* If you have an AA type sponsor, here’s where you want to ask for help.

* If you want to combine AA/ 12 step principals AND the technology of Neuro Linguistic Programming, the buy John Bradshaw’s “Right Brain Healing- the Jesus Nature”. I personally think that’s Bradshaw’s best work.

If you DON’T have a 12 step sponsor…here’s a neat trick I’ve used:

“What would you say to a person like you if you were your sponsor?”

Imagine you were a sponsor, and someone like you, walked up to you after a meeting- shared (your) their story and asked you to be their sponsor.

What would you say to (the other) you?

…this is so neat- people have little trouble taking someone else’s inventory- so be that someone else!

Step Four- Physiology- Your Body

Emotions are located in your body, not your head. New concept.

You have emotions about where you let your boundaries get violated. You were allowing others to walk all over you when x, y or z happens…and you’re allowing them to be down/ broken /undefended /vulnerable ect.

Those are probably shame, guilt, fear that you might not be able to fix this, anxiety, overwhelm…you fill in the blank(s). What ever your emotions are- look at those emotional body postures.

Huh? Your emotions have a corresponding body language, a ritual if you will, a ritual way of representing that particular emotion.

I’ll explain- when you feel ___, you *hold* your body in a specific posture. Yep, you do. You have a *ritual* associated with all the corresponding gestures, posture, shoulders hunched down, head looking at the floor, facial muscles scrunched up…what ever you do- is what you’ve associated to that feeling.

The only way we feel anything is in our physical body.

Here- Why is it, when we think of a depressed person, we imagine that person’s body posture is shoulders slumped, breathing shallow, facial muscles slack… go ahead, imagine a typical depressed person- what pictures does that conjure up?

Fixing this does not have to be hard! Find out what your specific body language is when you feel x, y or z and radically change what YOU do with your body when you feel that emotion.

“…Doc, it hurts when I do ___.”  (Doctor says) “…Then don’t do that”

It’s been said 80% of communication is body language.

If you’ve invested loads of energy, effort and time in altering intellectually your internal self talk, and not gotten very far… invest some time in altering your physiology.

Tony Robbins- “Emotion is created by Motion” Change how you move when you feel x, y or z.

Having said that, we don’t mean that affirmations or other intellectual strategies are no good- but when we’re talking about emotions it is more useful to start with your body.

Of course exercise can be an important tool, not to be ignored, but for now- discovery of how you manifest certain limiting/ painful/ not particularly useful emotions in YOUR body- discovery of your ritual ways of physically representing a repetitive emotional state gives you an excellent place to start to create change.

YOU are in the driver seat.

Step Five- Relapses and Slips. Not every we try is going to work all of the time. Codependents (children of alcoholics ect.) are prone to kicking themselves, we do that good enough already, and it’s not particularly useful. If a change didn’t take the first time:

We ran a play, the worst that can happen is that we have to punt- run defense for a bit, then we’ll have the ball back. It’ll be first and ten again.

If this was helpful or you have any feedback, please email David Bruce Jr and drop me a line.

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